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If you want to see a partnership that works well, take a glance at the marriage of my brother, Mike, and his wife, Deb. They live in Downers Grove, Illinois, a 40 minute drive outside Chicago. The two were wed under less than ideal circumstances, and that’s being charitable. When Mike was 18 and just finishing up high school, he got Deb pregnant. She was a sophomore and only 16 years old! The rabbit died on a Wednesday—an old saying that a pregnancy test proved positive that day. By Saturday, the two tied the knot in a proverbial shotgun wedding arranged by Deb's parents.
No one gave the young couple a chance. At least Mike had a job, working 12-hour shifts at night in a print shop. Deb gave birth to a boy, Robert Michael, or “Bob” as everyone calls him. Three years later, Deb had another child, Laura. While raising the kids, Deb managed to finish her schooling and become a registered nurse, specializing in neurology. Today, 32 years after the shotgun wedding, Mike and Deb are still together and crazy about each other. They prefer being together more than anything else in life—unless it’s chasing their grandchildren. Young Bob grew up, married, and has had two sons with wife Stephanie. He is now marketing manager for the famed Indianapolis 500 Speedway. Laura, too grew up, graduated from the University of Chicago, with a degree in physiology, and married an insurance adjuster, Anthony. They have two young daughters. So, what accounts for Mike and Deb’s successful marriage? They’re totally devoted to each other. They believe they are two parts of “one.” Each has a role in their partnership. Mike is the main breadwinner. His company prints foreign language newspapers; the Chicago Reader, an events and entertainment publication; IRS forms; and specialty items for McDonald’s and other nationally known companies. Deb loves her work as a registered nurse, but pulls double duty as the master of homemaking and socializing. She bakes and cooks up a storm, maintains the house immaculately, crochets and needle points, plays the piano, and remembers and celebrates all birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. Mike helps out around the house, but lacks the “perfection” of his wife. Deb helps support Mike’s work by entertaining his business clients—paper salesmen, ink salesmen, and print machine people. Mike supports his wife likewise, helping Deb entertain doctors, other nurses, and medical supply people. Deb loves going to plays, so Mike is an agreeable escort, just not as enthusiastic as she is. His only interest is in seeing her happy. They have traveled to every state in the U.S. They have also spent a great deal of time researching their family tree, which has taken them to Scotland, Ireland, and England. Deb maintains scrapbooks of everything they do together, as well as all outings with family and grandchildren. Mike and Deb enjoy golf, Mike has taken flying lessons as a present from Deb, and they have even gone skydiving together. Their shared vision? To stay healthy, to be happy, and to enjoy the family experience. As a couple, they’re not big joiners of community organizations. They go to church only occasionally. (Still, I think God is smiling at them. They both lead good lives.) They’d rather spend their free time together. When you see them in public, more often than not they’re holding hands. They think pretty much the same way. Do they argue? Sure, but only rarely. When they disagree, they listen and consider the other’s opinion. And if one doesn’t agree with the other, they just agree to disagree. No fight. No harsh words. My brother is very fortunate. But so is Deb. They have the kind of relationship I think most of us would love to have. They’ve based their relationship on a foundation of respect and true friendship. Passion is great, but without a solid foundation, it can quickly fade away. And then what do you have? Something far less than the rich blessing Mike and Deb enjoy.
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